McCain chooses running mate

John McCain this afternoon announced he was choosing the world’s most intelligent human, Cerebrium, to be his choice for Vice-President in next November’s US General Election.

Introducing his running mate at a rally in Columbus, Ohio, the Republican nominee praised his partner as ‘a man with a distinguished record and superhuman powers of intellect’ and denied vicious rumours circulated in Democratic circles that Cerebrium had once been a partner in Lex Luthor’s plan to conquer the planet.

Addressing a cheering crowd at the rally, Cerebrium announced a raft of new policies, such as utilising his perpetual motion device to solve world energy problems, inventing a genesis device to make previously infertile land arable and thus solve world hunger, and perfecting a new untraceable steroid to make sure the US wins more gold medals than China at the next Olympic Games.

Some analysts praised McCain’s choice, saying that Cerebrium had long ago devised the solutions to all of humanities problems, while others criticised the selection, pointing out that Cerebrium completely failed to connect with blue-collar and Hispanic voters, two key demographics in the hotly contested election.

A native of Long Island, NY, Cerebrium’s hobbies include 11-dimensional Sudoku, and infinite two person games of perfect information.


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