Some Facts About North Korea

(taken from the book ‘A True and Impartial Look at North Korea’, published by the Kim Jong-il Foundation for Truth, Freedom, and Countering the Malicious Lies of the American Imperialist Aggressors; Pyongyang)

  • North Korea won the Korean War.
  • North Korea tolerates all religions. However, the state religion is so magnificent, 100% of all Koreans are converts, rendering all other religions superfluous.
  • North Korea developed the world’s first invisible car, which is why the roads look so empty.
  • Jesus famously fed 5,000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fishes. But during the famine in Korea in the mid ’90s, the Dear Leader Kim Jong-il fed 22 million Koreans without any food at all. In fact, this famine is the first famine in history in which officially nobody died.
  • North Korea does not, contrary to popular belief, suffer from food shortages, but thanks to the magnificence of the Dear Leader Kim Jong-il, produces a massive surplus every year. To give thanks to the beloved Dear Leader, though, many devout Koreans frequently fast themselves as a form of worship. In remote rural areas, people have been known to fast themselves for several months at a time.
  • Koreans consider potholes to be a sign of good luck.
  • The Great Leader Kim Il-Sung is the founder of the all-encompassing Juche idea, a philosophy so complicated only Koreans are intelligent enough to understand it.
  • MASH would be much better if it was set in North Korea.
  • The Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il once beat Chuck Norris at arm wrestling.
  • South Korea is one of the most backward countries in the world, but in an effort to fool tourists, the government orders millions of citizens to walk around Seoul looking prosperous.
  • Lee Myung-Bak, the President of South Korea, lures little boys to his gingerbread house.So does George W. Bush.
  • North Korea is home to the world’s shortest acrobat.
  • The Dear Leader Kim Jong-il has never lost a game of rock, paper, scissors. So far he has 9,683 wins, many of them by knockout.
  • It is not true, as some have suggested, that The Great Leader Kim Il-Sung once raced a cheetah and won. It was in fact a leopard.
  • North Korea won the World Cup in 2006, equalling Brazil’s record of five triumphs. Thanks to the efforts of the Imperialist American Aggressors’ propaganda machine, however, many people mistakenly credit Italy with the victory.
  • In 2003, The Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il entered the Guinness Book of World Records by winning 120% of the vote in that year’s elections; such is the high esteem and reverence with which he is held by the Korean people. His tally beat a record previously held by Robert Mugabe and Saddam Hussein.
  • In 1994 The Great Leader Kim Il-Sung died of a heart attack, and ascended into heaven, where he is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and His kingdom will have no end.

By Goldengate

[Ed. Check out Kim Jong-il’s official biography]

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